The foolish human heart

An excerpt from 'The Postmaster' by Rabindranath Tagore:

He felt a deep pain in his heart. The grief stricken face of a mere village girl seemed to express a great, mute heartache pervading the whole world. For once he wished ardently to go back and bring along with him that orphan girl abandoned by the world. But already the wind had filled the sails, the river of the rainy season was flowing swiftly, the village had been left behind, and the cremation ground on the riverbank had come into view. In the pensive heart of the traveler, floating along the current of the river, there arose the reflection that there were so many separations, so many deaths like this in life. What was the point of going back? Nobody belonged to anybody on this earth.
But no such philosophy dawned on Ratan. She was going round the post office building with eyes flooded with tears. Perhaps she had a faint hope that Dadababu might come back. This made it impossible for her to go away.
Oh the foolish human heart! Illusion is hard to dispel and it takes very long for rules of logic to enter the head. Even strong evidence is disbelieved and a false hope is desperately embraced in one's heart. When at last one day it runs away, severing all the artities and draining the heart's blood, then one comes around and the heart longs to be again entangled in another snare of delusion.

Happy Birthday

And I finally turn 30 :) This moment that I was dreading most now turns out to be the most beautiful. What better gift to myself than being in Ahmedabad. A long time dream come true. It’s almost been two months here and never for a moment I asked my purpose. It felt a calling, natural and destined. It made me complete. The start it self was auspicious with getting a beautiful 3 bedroom apartment as a gift from a complete stranger (Now an elder brother). Somebody had once helped Dakshesh Bhai when his vehicle broke down in highway and now he is paying it forward in so many different ways.
Like sugar in water, instantly we were dissolved and accepted by the Manav Sadhna family. It felt belonged. Their simplicity and hearts full of love humbled me and slowly I found myself opening to love again. People said I was glowing and I too felt I was smiling a lot. Compassion was in the air. Doing small things seemed meaningful. Together we cleaned bus stops and in the process cleaned ourselves, together we watched inspiring films in seva café and learnt to see goodness in all and together we meditated on wednesdays through which we went within. Unlearning was fun and being human again felt alive.

I realized the smallness of me when I saw the invisible everyday heroes around and yet I saw the divine in me with potential of infinite love and capacity to serve.
Words of king echoed “everybody can be great because everybody can serve”.

Life is indeed beautiful :)

[Young Screen Entrepreneurs Presentation, British Council, Mumbai- 30th July'08]

MAM Movies
Making the world more beautiful, one story at a time

Namaste: In India, when we meet and greet and we say "Namaste", which means: I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides, I honor the place in you of love, of light, of truth, of peace. I honor the place within you where if you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us. --Ram Dass

My name is Madhusudan and Today I would like to share with you my personal journey and hope in that process we can all connect in global oneness.

My Personal Journey began with my graduation from Academy of art university in San Francisco California. I had a major in Motion pictures and television. While I was there I made films from a church to strippers, from documentaries to a narrative features but yet something was incomplete, there was an emptiness and I felt the desire to come back and find my stories.

With a backpack and a donated camera I came back to India and started traveling. Stayed with Himalayan yogis to modern teachers, but the turning point came when I was making a film on one of the last active disciple of Mahatma Gandhi, Dwarko Sundarani ji.
He runs a school for the children of untouchable caste in rural Bihar, India. I stayed with him for 2 months and while leaving I touched his feet and asked his permission to go. And that's when he asked me "Ok Madhu what are you going to do now, I didn't understand for a moment , and then he said , find your truth through whatever you do.
Filmmaking is just an instrument , realize your true goal.

This blessing later gave birth to MAM

MAM, which means 'I Am' in Sanskrit, for us it personifies the soul, the brahman. Our foundation was personal change. We had to be the change we wished to see, as Gandhiji said.
A bunch of naïve, passionate young People got together and we asked ourselves, do we see a need to exist, is the media industry we have completely perfect or is there something we can transform, something we can contribute, something we can change.

There was clearly a need of engagement of youth in creating Media for social change.

In 2006 Times magazine person of the year was 'you', now our effort was to harness this energy and direct it towards creating engaging cinema and sensitive filmmakers.

1. Harness the power of technology: Internet, you tube and individual potential.

2. Engage youth, students & corporates in creating inspiring media

3. Social Branding: invite corporates to participate in creating social cinema with commercial value, as part of their CSR program.

We rolled our sleeves and our social experiment began.

• 1st step create a community of visionaries, rebels and mavericks. Collective Chaos we called it.
Me and my wife, with our computer and a borrowed table started in a small room, 2 years later it evolved to 5 fulltime members, 20 active volunteers and more than 2000 online members with an average 1 lakh online visitors per month.

• 2nd Create a support system with a self sustaining model
Jump and the net would appear, says the old zen quote and we did it.
But the zen master wasn't there to cushion our fall. We hit the ground, were severely tested, stumbled on roadblocks, bruised ourselves but in the meantime it strengthen our souls. And when we were about to give up, we came across another visionary, Mr.Nachiket Mor from ICICI foundation, who said good ideas will have a life of its own. With his help we were able to create a resource center through which we could invite independent filmmakers to create short documentaries and videos for social causes for a very reasonable budget. Universe was conspiring to make our dreams come true.

• 3rd step , Create opportunities and event to engage them.

Our mantra: make a film, make a difference
Our first effort: Genesis film project, a film competition held in Mumbai where we invited 101 filmmakers to make films for 101 NGO's in just 101 Hours.
It was an instant hit, with more than 300 filmmakers participating, we got 90 films on time and which motivated us to do it every year.

Then we launched a project called 'She Creates' , where we invited 25 girls from various backgrounds, from Dharavi slums, to children rescued from streets to some of them from public schools. Bought them together, gave them film workshop and in just 21 days these children made some heart warming films on women issues, gender inequality and female feticide. Best part, these girls were just 10-15years old and most of them were without any formal education.

These girls now have become citizen journalist, they have formed a video community within their own organization and make short videos about local stories and share it among the community. We hired one girl as teacher who goes back and helps create various other video communities. One story which reflected the immediate impact of this was of Salma, who wasn't getting her ration card without a bribe, but when she went to the office with a video camera and questioned the officer in charge ,within one week she had her card.

These projects were awakening for us, we truly realized the power of videos and power of One.

Our next step is to create a ripple effect, to engage students, corporate and individuals, to inspire them to create participatory media and video communities throughout India. So that every organization could be able to have a voice and tell their story through videos which would be then connected globally through internet television.

I recently met a remarkable prof. Prof Anil Gupta from IIM Ahmedabad, who asked me, Madhu what's you dream. Now Before I could reply, he said what's your dream for next 200 years, what's your dream for next 2000 years. Dream so big he continued that you look very small before your dreams.

So in this moment when we realize that we are all here for a reason and what we do today won't be meaningless, I take the opportunity and make a humble effort to share some of our dreams.

I dream of a group of people who will work together to use the medium of art & cinema for the upliftment of humanity…

I dream of a support system for such group of people with the principles of social entrepreneurship…

I dream to have a new media industry with more citizen journalists who will empower themselves and their communities through videos…

I know these dreams may seem difficult but yet something within tells me:

"We are never given a dream with out the power to make it come true."

Namaste

One Notch up

“Tan samarpit, man samarpit, chahta hoon mere desh ki dharti tujhe kuch aur bhi doon”

Had read this poem, when I was a child. Now after many years I resonate with it’s meaning.
Just came back from a week of pilgrimage with Jayesh bhai and Nipun. Traveled to Kutch, stayed with some of the poorest of the poor. When you receive from someone who has so little, your heart goes numb with humility and awe. Why then you ask yourself, the reason for holding back. The graves don’t have pockets, leave we back all our possessions yet the tremendous desire to hold on to our fears, insecurity and possessions. Time to break free now I realize, time to let go now I feel. Take one notch up in Nipun’s words.
How would it be to run a gift economy organization. We will be generosity entrepreneurs. How would it run you will ask. Just like any other organization in terms of governance, accountability and projects. So what the difference?, mind intervenes. We wont ‘ASK’. We work with what is offered to us, with whatever resources we have, in short no fundraising, no brand building and no strings attached.
We must be out of our mind, how on earth will you sustain?
And the answer comes straight from the heart, ‘with trust’. Universe will manifest it if it sees a need in it. You got to jump, you got to let go.
Meghna went for 10 day silence on 30th Jan, the death anniversary of Gandhiji. The same day heart made this decision. It feels right, it feels honest, the first step towards complete samarpan :)

Shepherd

Pic credit

"I won't go" said Mahavira to his mother and yet she lost him in her magnificent castle.
The bird in a cage with open doors is yet hesitant to fly.
The flower which gives fragrance to all belongs to none.
Lights the sky, the little twinkling star, all by herself in the crowd
"Dream a dream" coaxed the old king, "you can always become a shephard again."

Advait part 22 (Back to River)

Pic credit

Ashram of the Mahatma, next to the river was now my new home. Hasmukh Bhai they called me. I seldom spoke however surprisingly always had this little smile floating on my lips. My happiness within glowed in my face and thus I got the name smiling man. It was a home for everyone. From a 10 year old who had run away from his house to 60 year old who was forced to leave his. There was food for everyone, like Draupadi’s utensil blessed by the blue-eyed god, the kitchen flowed in abundance, never letting anyone go hungry. Children from streets, learned how to make sustainable living, youth who had once lost direction found a way to give a voice to their restless energy and elders found joy in living again through service. The place thrived in giving.

Although there were rooms and a big hall for pilgrims, I chose to sleep under a tree, next to mother river. I had come to learn how to listen to her and indeed she talked to me and soothed my heart. “Like all this too shall pass”, she had told me once “yet surrender your self as you flow” she told me now.

Joy is in service

Advait part 21 (The open road )

Once, don’t remember how old I was, may be 13, I tried to run away from my home. Probably it was evening when I left on my little red bicycle. Sun hadn’t set yet and soon after riding two kms out side my village, I felt tired. I stopped for a while, sat on a small bridge and tried to reason with myself why I was doing what I was doing. Where would I go? what would I do? First option, which always came was Haridwar, A small holy pilgrim town up north. Although wasn’t sure on what I would do so gave up on my first attempt of renunciation. Who knew I would finally take the leap in the fourth stage of my life.
Some one said beautifully, “we are not human beings on a spiritual journey but we are the spiritual beings on a human journey”.

Advait Part 20 ( proving our existence)

Why this tremendous urge to express? I use to ask myself while I lived like a filmmaker. God was infected with the same desire as well. He manifested himself through his creation of universe. Every word I wrote in my stories, every frame I shot through my camera and every character I created reflected myself, same as how we reflect the god, whose ultimate creation are we. The parts I played in this journey, from a filmmaker to an ascetic to a beggar I lived his show. “Selfish you are” they accused me. Why are you not I wondered back. The desire to prove that we have the power to create, I think is worthless. For we have already created and been created by all.

Advait Part19 (Withering of the rose)

Wonder, do you ever what life beholds for you? Like a child we make our plans, grandeur in its nature, and like a child, destiny plays with it. It laughs as it looks down upon us, busy we with our busyness.

Being a beggar now all I had was time and time to ponder and think and think again. I found joy in nothingness and liberated did I feel with no burden of the world. Running away from my responsibility you can accuse, but who are we really responsible to is now what I thought. Like an onion we can peal layer after layer and yet find nothing or like a rose spread fragrance as we wither to our end.

Search for meaning of life is a vain; Meaning is to continue the search for life. To be so alive that we feel our feeling to it’s core. Love, hatred, jealousy, anger, compassion, passion and lust, all like a wind pass through us yet without making us their home. And when all the dust has settled and ripples cease to be created, in that silence of the pond, our true nature emerges. To be the vessel, to be an instrument and to be the river which quenches the thirst of all it touches.